The Best of Dwight

I'm sure most of you all saw the return episode of The Office last night. I did not, but will watch it online today.

In celebration of the glorious return of this show I give you some of the best Dwight quotes:

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me. I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

Dwight Schrute: [indicating his purple karate belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.

Dwight Schrute: Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of “Oklahoma!” in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.

Dwight Schrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas.

Pam: Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means, instead of what it is.
Dwight Schrute: You mean … like a ham?
Pam: No. Not like a ham.

Dwight Schrute: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

(HT: Steve R.)