The Psychology of Resentment

Dane Ortlund:

Are you resentful?  
You need not experience extraordinary suffering or be wronged in an unusually grievous way to feel the strong, seemingly unstoppable pull toward resentment. All you need to do is live a little while in this fallen world. Before long you're given a good solid reason to resent someone. Often someone quite close to you. Family member, spouse, parent, long-time friend, etc. It feels impossible to love that person. 

What causes such bitterness? Why are our hearts so immovably deadened toward that person? 

Well, they wronged you, so you resent them. They hurt you. They did what they should never have done. Or didn’t do what they should have done. And you bear the wounds. 

Yes—but what’s the reason beneath the reason?

Read the rest.

Dealing with Bitterness

Shawnda Kovacs:

Do you struggle with bitterness? Even if it's here and there or everyday? This 5 minutes of Gospel pointed toward bitterness might be a gift of freedom for your soul!

It's minutes 40:35 to 45:40

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Diagnosing Bitterness

"I began to understand bitterness when I read something that a pastor I knew had written on the subject. He included a number of questions that helped me to reflect on whether I was suffering from bitterness, and I have listed some of them here for you in hopes that they help you see your bitterness, since you, like us all, are blind to your blind spots.

1) Do you continually replay in your mind with great detail a negative past
event and dislike for the person(s) involved?

2) Do you find yourself continually referring to someone in a pejorative
fashion because of some past hurt?

3) Do you intentionally avoid certain person(s) because you find yourself
becoming continually annoyed and angry in their presence?

4) Do you find that your dislike of someone is growing over time?

Eventually, our bitterness seeps out of us through our mouths, because it is through our words that our hearts are revealed. When we are bitter, we speak pejoratively about people to demean, disrespect, and disregard them. It is our verbal way of fighting back and making them pay.

Bitterness is often unrelated to the magnitude of a sin but is instead correlated to the emotional proximity of the offender. It is also often tied to betrayal. What I mean is this: if a stranger sins against you in a big way, you are unlikely to get bitter. But if a beloved family member or friend sins against you in a little way, you are likely to get bitter because you have opened your heart to that person and have high expectations for the relationship."

- Mark Driscoll, Death By Love, p. 221