The Pain of Infertility and God's Mercy in Our Suffering

Brady Goodwin:

“I don’t see a heartbeat.” 

Those six words sank like anchors. The sonogram image, pulsing with life only days before, showed a scene that was at once familiar yet devastatingly surreal. Our doctor confirmed it, and we saw our hopes for parenthood end. Seven weeks into pregnancy, my wife, Aimee, miscarried. It was our second miscarriage. We sat in stunned silence as tears streamed down our faces. During the days and weeks that followed, the weight on our hearts grew as we grappled with the onerous presence of grief and sorrow. 

Our story is similar to many couples in our church. For years, we longed for a family but struggled to conceive. As the months passed after the miscarriages, our grief morphed into something different, something darker. When other couples announced a new pregnancy, there was a mix of gratitude and the piercing reminder of our own barrenness. We celebrated with friends while fighting back anger and the feeling that God heard others’ cries but not ours. We resolved to wait patiently on the Lord, but inwardly our hearts screamed injustice. 

Often a blog post on infertility and miscarriage will include helpful pastoral advice for those seeking to minister to hurting couples: what not to say, how to respond, how to pray. This is good, and we were the recipients of such care in the weeks and months following Aimee’s second miscarriage. Many of our brothers and sisters demonstrated the tangible presence of Jesus through shared meals, patient and loving conversation and prayer. 

But what if what’s needed most is heart change from within? 

Read the rest.  

Mother's Day and the Infertile

Russell Moore:

Mother’s Day is a particularly sensitive time in many congregations, and pastors and church leaders often don’t even know it. This is true even in congregations that don’t focus the entire service around the event as if it were a feast day on the church’s liturgical calendar. Infertile women, and often their husbands, are still often grieving in the shadows.

It is good and right to honor mothers. The Bible calls us to do so. Jesus does so with his own mother. We must recognize though that many infertile women find this day almost unbearable. This is not because these women are (necessarily) bitter or covetous or envious. The day is simply a reminder of unfulfilled longings, longings that are good.

Some pastors, commendably, mention in their sermons and prayers on this day those who want to be mothers but who have not had their prayers answered. Some recognize those who are mothers not to children, but to the rest of the congregation as they disciple spiritual daughters in the faith. This is more than a “shout-out” to those who don’t have children. It is a call to the congregation to rejoice in those who “mother” the church with wisdom, and it’s a call to the church to remember those who long desperately to hear “Mama” directed at them.

What if pastors and church leaders were to set aside a day for prayer for children for the infertile?

Read the rest.


Dr. Moore's books:
Tempted and Tried
Adopted for Life
The Kingdom of Christ

The Bible and the Pain of Infertility

Jason Kovacs:

Years ago when my wife and I were dealing with infertility the Lord used this article ‘The Bible and the Pain of Infertility by By Kimberly Monroe and Philip Monroe’ to minister to us both deeply. I contacted the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF) and they graciously gave permission to make it available. I really believe this will serve many others as it served us in our struggle. This article is also one of the most helpful resources for how to help those dealing with infertility. Click here to download the full pdf.

Here is why this is such an important topic:

In one study, 63% of women who experienced both infertility and divorce rated their infertility as more painful than their divorce. In another study, women who experienced either chronic or life-threatening diseases ranked the emotional pain of infertility at similar levels to that of terminal illness.

Dealing with infertility is hard. Your Godgiven desire to have children is thwarted. As you grow up, people say to you, “When you get married and have your kids….” Everyone assumes fertility.

Infertility shatters your identity. You have a picture in your mind. You are married. You have a house with a white picket fence. You have a minivan and a big dog. But where are the children? Infertility shatters this rosy picture.

Infertility is often misunderstood. People take it lightly. A person with a chronic disease or terminal illness gets support from all those around them. But to a couple struggling with infertility, these same people offer platitudes. “Count all your blessings.” If one couple says they want kids, another says, “Take mine!”

One in six couples struggles with infertility. One in four couples over the age of thirty-five struggles with infertility. In your church, in your workplace, in your circle of friends, couples struggle with infertility. These couples need your support and care.

To read the whole article as a pdf click here.

Infertility

Mindy Kroesche has a very helpful post on infertility called, "What If I Can't Have Children?" This is a very common issue that many of us have experienced or know people who have. I would also recommend Dr. Russell Moore's book, Adopted For Life, as it has a great chapter that deals with this issue as well.

(HT: Challies)