True Accountability

Helpful post here from Tim Challies summarizing what good accountability is and isn't.

"If you're going to sleep with your brother's wife, you are probably going to lie to your brother about it. I'm not convinced about men meeting up in groups to keep them accountable."

Great article here from Paul Levy about how to protect yourself from ministry disqualifying sin.

(HT:  JT)

Why I Never Travel Alone

Shaun Groves shares a sobering story about why he never travels alone.  (You also get a great video out of it too.)

Get some of Shaun's music here.

How Accountability Groups Can Kill

Tullian pens a helpful reminder on one potential downside of "accountability groups".

These groups focus primarily (in my experience, almost exclusively) on our sin, and not on our Savior. Because of this, they breed self-righteousness, guilt, and the almost irresistible temptation to pretend, or to be less than honest. Little or no attention is given to the gospel. There’s no reminder of what Christ has done for our sin—cleansing us from its guilt and power—and of the resources that are already ours by virtue of our union with Him. These groups thrive, either intentionally or not, on a “do more, try harder” moralism that robs us of the joy and freedom Jesus paid dearly to secure for us. When the goal becomes conquering our sin instead of soaking in the conquest of our Savior, we actually begin to shrink spiritually.

His conclusion:

So I’m all for accountability–but a certain kind. The accountability we really need is the kind that corrects our natural tendency to dwell on me—my obedience (or lack thereof ), my performance (good or bad), my holiness— instead of on Christ and His obedience, His performance, and His holiness for me. It sometimes seems that we can’t help ourselves from turning the good news of God’s grace into a narcissistic program of self-improvement. We try to turn grace into law, in other words. We need to be held accountable for that!

The gravitational pull of conditionality is so strong, our hard-wiring for law so ingrained, that we need real friends to remind us of the good news every day. In fact, our lives depend on it! So instead of trying to fix one another, perhaps we might try “stirring one another up to love and good deeds” by daily reminding one another, in humble love, of the riches we already possess in Christ.

Read the rest.


Books by Tullian:

Jesus + Nothing = Everything 
Surprised by Grace: God's Relentless Pursuit of Rebels
Unfashionable: Making a Difference in the World by Being Different

A Great Question Parents Should Be Asking

Brian Croft:

Paul addresses fathers here for several reasons. The husband/father is the head of his family (Eph. 5:23). Fathers are to lead the family, which includes the instruction and discipline in the home (Eph. 6:4). Fathers also play an especially important role in the life of a child. However, all these reasons do not exclude “mothers” and their equally important role in the lives of their kids from Paul’s instruction. The command to fathers (parents) is, “To instruct and discipline in the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4)

Yet in the midst of this instruction is this warning to “Not provoke your children to anger.” Paul must have known our natural sinful reaction as parents to our kids when they disobey is to respond in frustration and anger, thus provoking them to anger, instead of calm, firm, and loving discipline.

Because of our propensity to this reaction and Paul’s warning that accompanies this instruction, I submit to you this question that parents should constantly be asking and evaluating in their own hearts and each other’s hearts:

“In what ways do you see I am most prone to provoke our children to anger.”

Read the rest.

Accountability Groups - Do More, Try Harder?

Pastor Tullian:

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in “accountability groups” where there has been little to no attention given to the gospel whatsoever. There’s no reminder of what Christ has done for our sin–"cleansing us from its guilt and power"–and the resources that are already ours by virtue of our union with him. These groups produce a “do more, try harder” moralism that robs us of the joy and freedom Jesus paid dearly to secure for us.

Read the rest.

This of course doesn't mean that men's groups or other forms of small groups are bad, but rather, how do we go about facilitating the content of these groups?

Five Basics for Accountability

Scott Thomas writes a good post on accountability and how it should be practiced.  Read the whole post.

He writes:

I am concerned about the number of pastors falling (or more likely, leaping) into sexual immorality. It is not a new problem. The Internet seems to have exposed some of these formerly quiet indiscretions hidden in the walls of the church out into the public. I spoke with two wives recently whose pastor husbands left them for a younger woman who was employed in the church. These wives were both devastated over the tragedy and they were full of anxiety about how they were going to provide direction and provision for the young children at home. In both cases, the pastors had carried on their immorality for an extended period of time. This raised the question about their personal accountability.

His five points:

1. Focus on the gospel and your responding to the grace of God.

2. Find men who have regular contact with you and can observe your life closely.

3. Find men who are not employed by you or under your direct authority. Sometimes silence on their part means not getting fired. It is okay to supplement your accountability with men under your supervision, but they cannot be the only ones who are holding you accountable.

4. You have to train participants to ask hard questions and to be relentless about their receiving an accurate answer, even if they question your honesty. Someone asked me how I would know if an accountability team was actually working for their benefit. I told him to lie to them and see if they press anyway. If you can lie to your accountability team, it is of no value or protection to you. Now, I know where all liars go. It is the same place that all whoremongers go (Rev 21:8). I am not encouraging lying; I am encouraging raw honesty.

5. Utilize questions that are not the same every week and find questions that examine sins in your head and your heart and not just in your hands. I believe sin starts in our head where we entertain ungodly thoughts and if unchecked, sin moves into our heart were we long to fulfill that lustful thought. Jesus spoke about this as he condemned not only the act of adultery but the thoughts of adultery (Matt. 5:28). James said, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:15-16).

Read the whole post.  

What is Christian Accountability?

(HT: Doug Wolter)

Filtering or Accountability?

Doug Wilson argues that we shouldn't restrict sites on our computers but rather use a program like Covenant Eyes that allows trusted friends to have access to all the sites you have visited. The issue is moralism. Click over and give it a read.

Accountability is Useless Unless...

Refine Us:

What I have discovered is accountability is useless. 

Accountability is only as valuable as the transparency you and I offer in the context of that accountability.

We have a unique ability as humans to fool each other. It is easy for me to fake you out. It is easy for you to lie to my face. It is easy to pretend like your marriage is better than it really is. It is easy to offer just enough accountability to make yourself look spiritual. At the same time that partial accountability can be so dangerous because you are not only fooling me, you are fooling yourself.

The truth is you and I can meet every Wednesday and I can lie to you. The truth is that you can have several circles of accountability and unless you are 100% transparent in at least one of those circles, implosion is on the horizon.

I am not saying you should be 100% transparent with everyone, but I am saying you should be 100% transparent with someone. I have two people in my life that if I am asked a question I give 100% of the truth; I withhold nothing. I know if I am struggling or need to confess something, or am in a dark place, I can share that with these two people.

One of the biggest mistakes I made in my life, my marriage and my ministry is I substituted accountability for transparency. Accountability without transparency is useless. It is easier in the short term to offer accountability and it seems more spiritual?but you experience more of the grace and mercy and love of Christ when you offer transparency.

In fact, when you are willing to offer transparency, you will find you don't need to be held accountable.

Read the rest.  

Leading With Transparency

J.D. Graeer discusses how he tries to lead his people through being transparent and also how that impacts eldership at his church. I found myself saying a hearty "amen" to his reflections.

We try, for these reasons, to have a culture of transparency here at the Summit. I never lock my office. Several people have passwords who can get into my inbox if they so choose. My assistant knows where I am every single second (i.e. that my wife doesn't know where I am), and my assistant can tell any of our executive team who asks. Is that annoying sometimes? Of course. But not as much as looking at my little girls and telling them mom can't stand to live with me anymore.

Furthermore, I am accountable to a group of men, our elder team, which is made up of both staff and "lay" men. They, as Hebrews 13:7 says, really "know my way of life." They know where I live. They observe my marriage. They can, and do, stop by my house. We eat dinner together. Our kids play together. I know them and they know me. They watch out for me because I need watching. I am just a man, and greater men than me have fallen.

Does all this sometimes create tension? Of course. Does that mean there are times the "lay elders" seem "behind" in their thinking... and since they don't live in the "professional" Christian world that sometimes they are not as ready for the changes I want to bring? Yes. But if I'm worth anything as a leader, shouldn't I be able to convince these godly, mature men of what I'm seeing and persuade them to follow? If I can't convince THEM, how can I ever expect to be able to convince the church of what I see? Is my ministry all about unchallenged executive power?

I'm not saying we have a perfect system here at the Summit or that it, in any way, guarantees that I or the other pastors will always remain faithful. Our sinful, conniving flesh can always find a way to cheat the systems, even the best ones.

I just know that it is not part of God's plan for me to live without friends before whom I humble myself, to whom I am "submitted," and who can observe and speak into my life. And these should be the people who see me and go to church with me. As wise King Solomon says, "Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away." (Prov 27:10) In other words, better a non-trained lay-elder nearby than Billy Graham in another city.

Read the rest.

Accountability

Abraham Piper:

Accountability isn’t just weekly meetings with a “partner.”

It also means having friends who’ll punch your face when you need them to.

My comment:

I say Amen to Abraham's post and have written a bit about our notions of accountability in the past as well. You can read it here if you are so inclined. I think I got most of it from C.J. Mahaney, but can't remember... I am convinced of the ideas there for the purpose of sanctification. Very, very important stuff.