A Beautiful Explanation of the True Nature of Repentance

Kevin DeYoung:

Repentance has never been easy. No one likes to be told “Die to yourself. Kill that in you. Admit you are wrong and change.” That’s never been an easy sell. It’s much easier to get a crowd by leaving out the repentance part of faith, but it’s not faithful. It’s not even Christianity. Of course, there is a whole lot more to following Jesus than repentance, but it’s certainly not less. “Repent,” Jesus said, or “you will all likewise perish” (Luke 13:5).

Repentance has always been hard, always will be hard.

Read the rest.

Ever Wonder Why You Do What You Do in a Church Service?

This short post from Joe Thorn is very helpful for enriching your experience of Sunday worship.

This book from Joe Thorn is also very helpful.

3 Checkpoints for Spiritual Drift

Michael Kelley:

Drifting is something that happens over time. It’s slow and steady, almost imperceptible. It can happen so gradually in fact that it goes without notice. That’s the real problem with drifting spiritually – you don’t know it’s happening until it’s already happened. 

But what if you could? Are there certain checkpoints that, if they appear in your life, you know that the drifting has started? That the rope tied to the anchor of faith has started to let out? That you are slowly moving in a direction that you didn’t intend to go? I think there are, and here’s three to think about. 

1. Habits.All of us live in some kind of routine whether we know it or not. These routines can come about either intentionally or unintentionally. On the intentional side, it might be that you make yourself exercise or study the Bible; unintentionally it could be something as simple as always washing your hands when you come into the house from outside. It’s not something you planned; it’s just something you do. 

One of the checkpoints for spiritual drift, I believe, is to take a look at your habits. See what patterns are emerging unintentionally. These patterns will give you a good indication of where your heart is moving. If, say, you are slowly moving toward the habit of self-isolation or over extending your schedule, then you know you need to take action in order to recenter yourself. Similarly, if you are getting out of the habit of daily Bible study, prayer, and honest conversation then the rope might be letting out a bit. 

2. Response to sin.Sin can become a habit; so can our response to it. There is a certain sorrow that should accompany our sin. That sorrow is actually a good thing because it’s an indicator that we are grasping, at least in small part, the gravity of what it is we are doing. But if you find yourself becoming more and more flippant about the sin in your life, and correspondingly less and less worried about it, it’s a strong sign that you are moving further and further out. 

3. Relationships with others.It continues to amaze me just how connected our relationships with others are with our relationship with God. The vertical always impacts the horizontal. So if you find yourself being easily angered, quickly annoyed, judgmental, or simply not as understanding and kind as you once were, that’s not just an issue you have with the people in your home or the workplace. It’s probably an indicator that something else is going on. I know for me one of the clearest indicators about the state of my relationship with God is how I am treating my wife and my kids. 

These certainly aren’t the only ways to tell if you’re drifting spiritually. They are, however, I think 3 good checkpoints. If we examine our habits, our response to sin, and our relationships with others, I think we will be able to see whether or not we are paying the kind of close attention we need to in order to avoid that unintentionally drifting from God.

Books by Michael Kelley

• Transformational Discipleship: How People Really Grow 
• Boring: Finding an Extraordinary God in an Ordinary Life 
• Wednesdays were Pretty Normal: A Boy, Cancer, And God

How Not To Repent

David Murray with an insightful post on the nature of true repentance.

"Ten Words that Drastically Changed My Relationships"

Helpful post here from Allison Vesterfelt:

A little over a year ago, my dad had a massive heart attack. 

We didn’t expect it (which sounds weird to say, because who ever expects someone they love to have a heart attack) but it’s true. He’d never had any heart trouble before, he was only fifty-five years old, and you could find him at the gym at least a few times each week.
Then, out of nowhere, his just heart stopped beating. 

In the weeks before I got the call we hadn’t been talking much. We were close, and had been close for most of my adult life, but I had recently gotten married and moved across the country, and things were hard, and weird with the transition. 

Every time I would think to call I would say to myself, “I’ll call tomorrow…”So when my sister called to explain what had happened, I felt all of the reasons I’d given myself to hold back from calling him crash against me like a river of grief and regret. “I should have called,” I kept saying to myself, in a blur of tears. “God, don’t let him die. Please, don’t let him die.” I prayed and I sobbed. 

I was brought back to this moment the other day after getting in an argument with a friend.
It wasn’t a yelling-screaming fight, but we were both frustrated with each other and by the time we hung up the phone, things were weird, like they’d been my with my dad. We were still friends, but we were confused; we weren’t sure who should say what, or when. I laid awake in bed that night, going over the fight in my mind. I felt myself thinking, “I’ll call tomorrow…” 

But instead, I sat up in bed and immediately sent them a text: “I love you and care for you, even when we disagree. We’re okay.” 

It was simple. So simple. But at the same time, it changed everything for me 

• • • 

My grandma turned 90 years old recently, and the whole family traveled to Chicago to celebrate. After the celebration we sat around asking her questions, gleaning from her wisdom about life and marriage and career and family. 

My cousin asked, “Grandma, what’s the best thing you ever did for your marriage?”
She thought about it for a minute and then said, “Each night, before we fell asleep, we would turn to each other and say, ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you today. I love you.’” I smiled at her words and then, that night, when I climbed into bed, my husband looked me in the eye and said, “I’m sorry if I hurt you today. I love you.” 

It was simple. So simple. But at the same time, it changed everything.  

• • • 

I wonder if this is why Paul urges us in Scripture not to let the sun go down on our anger — not because it makes God happy (although it probably does), but because he knows it will make us happy. Perhaps he knows our deepest desires, as well as our deepest regrets, come from the same place: Our connection to others. 

By a beautiful miracle, my dad survived his heart attack. 

But I live differently now, knowing my chance to say “I love you, Dad,” in person, was almost taken away from me. Before I go to bed at night I try to say — to my husband, and whoever else needs to hear it — I’m sorry if I hurt you today. I love you. 

It’s simple. So simple. But at the same time, it changes everything.

Repentance and Parenting

Yancey Arrington:

My kids think I’m great. I’m not saying I am; I’m just saying they think I am. It’s their default mode because I’m their parent. It’s the same reason they think their mom is incredible (the difference however is that she really is). Most children put their parents on pedestals whether they like it or not. I know it will probably change as my kids move into adolescence, but for now, my three young sons think their daddy rarely can do any wrong.

The only problem is that their daddy not only can do a little wrong but actually does more wrong than he would care to admit. As much as I’d like for it not to be true, I can royally blow it on how to love Jesus as a husband and father. Frankly, I can be downright selfish, impatient, and unbelievably wrongheaded in full view of my kids. And it’s in those times I’ve got a choice to make: either tuck tail and run from my responsibilities or look my kids in eyes and repent.

That’s right. Repent. I should tell my children that [insert sinful thought, word, or behavior I just did] was wrong and that their daddy is both grateful for the grace of forgiveness in Christ and the gift he has to obey next time.

This type of interaction shouldn’t be something that happens only when it’s a full moon but a regular pattern in my family. Martin Luther once wrote that all the Christian life is to be one of repentance. And why shouldn’t it be? If repentance, in essence, is turning from sinful ways to embrace those which glorify God, then healthy spiritual growth necessitates much repentance. Besides, repenting well in front of your children is a gift of grace unto itself.

Read the rest for some practical applications.

"Confession would be foolhardy, because it would be used as evidence against, rather than for, a person."

Ray Ortlund:

In some churches, nobody admits anything.  Confession would be foolhardy, because it would be used as evidence against, rather than for, a person.  If not dead already, such a church eventually will be.  But God welcomes all of us sinners to confess and get free forever.  It’s like being born again again. 

Biblical confession also includes a horizontal dimension – confession to one another, where we find powerful healing.  Confession to God alone often does not lift us into the freedom we seek.  With God alone, confession can be too easy.  It is too easy to save face, and there is no healing, no release, in saving face, however earnest the confession to God might seem to be.  Confession to God alone can be a way of not really facing ourselves and our sins.  James 5:16 shows us where freedom can be found: “Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in Life Together, writes, “You are a sinner, a great, desperate sinner; now come, as the sinner that you are, to God who loves you.  He wants you as you are; he does not want anything from you, a sacrifice, a work; he wants you alone. . . . You can hide nothing from God.  The mask you wear before men will do you no good before him.  He wants to see you as you are, he wants to be gracious to you.”

Read the rest.



Books by Ray Ortlund:

• Proverbs:  Wisdom That Works
• Isaiah:  God Saves Sinners
• A Passion for God: Prayers and Meditations on the Book of Romans
• God's Unfaithful Wife: A Biblical Theology of Spiritual Adultery
• When God Comes to Church: A Biblical Model for Revival Today

"We all desperately desire to locate our problems outside ourselves."

Great post here from Tullian.


Books by Tullian:

• Jesus + Nothing = Everything 
• Surprised by Grace: God's Relentless Pursuit of Rebels 
• Unfashionable: Making a Difference in the World by Being Different

This is What Is Looks Like To Own Your Sin

Wow.  Powerful video.  Mike Tyson is amazing. No blame-shifting, just plain repentance.

Here is the backstory from the Mockingbird blog:

Mike Tyson may honestly be my favorite person in the world. Case in point: the press conference he held last week after making amends with Teddy Atlas. As far as context, Teddy Atlas was a key assistant to Tyson’s trainer/adopted father Cus D’Amato when Tyson was coming up in the early 80s. In 1983, Atlas and the 16 year old Tyson had an altercation after Tyson allegedly harassed an 11 year old female relative of Atlas’s. Atlas put a .38 caliber handgun to Tyson’s ear and told him that he would kill him if he ever touched any member of his family again. The incident led to Atlas’ dismissal from the Catskill Boxing Club, and he was told he was no longer welcome in D’Amato’s home or around any of his adopted children. Cut to 30 years later and a ringside meeting...

RSS, click through to view.

How to Ask for Forgiveness

Making this a habitual practice would make our marriages, families, and churches the most beautiful places on earth.

I would probably say that nothing has changed the tone of my marriage in the last 5 to 7 years as much as having the phrase, "I'm sorry.  Will you forgive me?" come out of our mouths.

Ray Deck III:

As people grow closer, friction is bound to occur. Both small and not-so-small offenses are inevitable. Nobody likes to apologize, but Scripture tells us to confess our faults to one another (James 5:16), seek reconciliation when we wrong one another (Matthew 5:23), and forgive each other (Ephesians 4:32). 

While a heartfelt apology can mend even the most charred relational bridge, a poorly made apology often accomplishes the opposite. When you find yourself in the wrong, make sure your apology includes the following elements.

Express regret | “I’m sorry.”

If you feel bad, say so. Give voice to your regret. This is a necessary first step.

We’ve muddied the waters by overusing the word “sorry.” We say:

• “I’m sorry your house needs to be fumigated.”
• “I’m sorry you’re feeling under the weather.”
• “I’m sorry someone else hurt your feelings.”

None of these instances warrant an apology, but we use the word “sorry” to express solidarity with less-than-ideal circumstances. When you’re in the wrong, “I’m sorry about the circumstances” just doesn’t cut it. You have to go further.

Accept guilt | “I was wrong.”

Take ownership of your fault. Don’t worry about properly assigning partial blame to anyone else. That’s not your job (Deuteronomy 32:35). An apology does not seek justice—it seeks forgiveness. (Click to tweet) Don’t bother with an explanation, unless one will help avoid a repeat offense.

Request forgiveness | “Will you forgive me?”

Asking for forgiveness places the offended party in control. It gives them the next move. They can choose to forgive or hold a grudge, and it won’t matter much to you which option they choose. Your business is to express regret, accept guilt, and request forgiveness. Whatever happens beyond that is someone else’s concern.

Never say “but”

If at any point you hear yourself saying “but” or “that being said,” stop. You’re doing something wrong. An apology should never include a defense or an attempt to share the blame. If the offended party chooses to own their contribution, that’s their business. Your objective is to mend a relationship by confessing a fault. Don’t replace the original fault with a new one by mounting a character defense.

If you’re serious about building a community of faith, you’ll need to master the art of apologizing.  

If You Want More Grace... Here is One Quick Way to Get It

Chris Brauns: 

The Bible says that God gives grace to the humble.  Sometimes, being humble means saying “I am sorry” first. 

Think about it.  Don’t you find it relatively easy to apologize if the other person says, “I am sorry,” first?  Saying it first is sometimes hard to swallow. 

You would never claim perfection in marriage.  You just believe your spouse was more wrong; he or she ought to say “I am sorry first.”  Maybe you clattered your bowl into the kitchen sink and shut the door with a grumpy bang on your way to work this morning and left the milk out for good measure.  What silly games we play. 

Remember Proverbs 3:34 says, “God mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.”  Let your pride go. God mocks mighty mockers, but blesses the broken. 

Do you want a special measure of God’s grace?  Here is what you do.  Flip open your phone and pound speed dial.  Follow this script, “I am sorry, I was wrong, will you please forgive me.”  Do not, I repeat, “do not,” find yourself continuing after the apology with a criticism of the other person. 

You may or may not get a corresponding apology in response.  But, you can be assured of the grace of God at work in your life.  God blesses the broken.

The Church Should Be A Taboo Free Zone

Stephen Altrogge:

There are certain things we don’t talk about much in church. Like eating disorders. Or cutting. Or depression. Or same sex attraction. Or sexual enslavement. The list could go on, but you get my point. The reason we don’t talk about these things is because, frankly, they make us uncomfortable. If we struggle with a “taboo” issue we feel very uncomfortable talking about it with others. If someone else confesses a “taboo” issue to us we’re not quite sure how to respond. We usually feel at least somewhat uncomfortable, which means we probably won’t follow up with the person, which means they will continue to flounder in their struggle. It shouldn’t be this way in the church.

Now, just to be clear, I don’t think that every person should tell every other person about their most intimate struggles. There are wise ways to confess struggles and there are stupid ways to confess struggles. I’m not advocating a total transparency policy, in which we tell everyone everything. That’s just stupid. But, every person in the church should have at least one or two people who know their most difficult battles, sympathize with their battles, and can help them overcome their battles through prayer, fellowship, and encouragement. Otherwise, how will any of us overcome these things?

But how do we get to this place, both personally and as churches? Let me give one simple suggestion.

Read the rest.


Books by Stephen Altrogge:

• The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Your Side of the Fence 
• Create: Stop Making Excuses and Start Making Stuff 
• The Last Superhero 
• My Friend, My Hero, My Dad

Repentance vs. Defensiveness

Gavin Ortlund:

It seems to me that we tend to respond to accurate criticism in one of two ways: repentance or defensiveness. These two reactions are as different as heaven and hell. A defensive heart says, “but look at what I did right!” (diversion). A repentant heart says, “here specifically is what I did wrong” (honesty). A defensive heart says, “but look at what was done to me!” (distraction). A repentant heart says, “here is how I contributed to the conflict” (ownership). A defensive heart says, “it wasn’t that bad” (downplaying). A repentant heart says, “it was a big deal” (admission).

Our default mode – in and out of the church – seems to be defensiveness. I know mine is. Nothing is more natural when we feel threatened by a criticism than to divert, distract, and downplay. Its as instinctive as flinching when a punch is coming. In my experience, a heart of repentance is something I have to work at. I have to say things like, “wait a minute. Think this through. Why does this criticism hurt you the way it does? Remember your identity is in Christ. Remember you’re identity is not at stake. Relax! Is there something you can learn here?” Its a counter-intuitive feeling, like learning to use a muscle we didn’t know we had for the first time. Or better: learning to relax a muscle for the first time that we’ve always kept tight. Its a kind of paradox: an effort at relaxing, a striving to cease striving, a struggle to give up.

The gospel alone can free us for honesty, ownership, and admission, because the gospel alone destroys the sting and judgment associated with criticism. The gospel takes away the fear that drives defensiveness and frees us to openly admit our shortcomings. The gospel says, “in the place of your deepest failure and shame you are loved most tenderly.” The gospel says, “your deepest fears were already born by Christ.” The gospel says, “your sins were exposed and dealt with at the cross. The battle is already over.”

It makes me think of a man who is standing on trial before a large audience. A long list of (accurate) charges is read. Everyone is watching. And the man responds, “the charges against me are 100% true and fair. I am responsible. No one else is to blame. There is no excuse. And it is a big deal.” A man who is free to be that non-defensive is the happiest and most indestructible man in the world. He has died to himself; his identity comes from something or someone else. He is fearless.

This is what the gospel does for us. In the court of God, which matters infinitely more than any human court, we have already been tried, and through Christ we have already been acquitted. Thank you, Jesus. Help us to be so secure in your love that we are fearless to repent.

Amen.

Hey Young, Restless, and Reformed Crowd, You Need To Read This...

Josh Harris:

One day two men went to church to pray.

The first man was a shallow, uninformed evangelical. Everything about him shouted of squishy theology. He didn’t know or use big theological words. He watched Christian TV and thought it was deep. He bought books from the inspirational section of the bookstore. He attended one of those megachurches where the sermons are short and the worship leaders look like American Idol contestants.

The second man who went to pray was different. He was a Christian of theological depth and substance--this was obvious by the heavy study Bible he carried with him. He only read books by long-dead theologians. He subscribed to the podcasts of all the solid, gospel-centered expository preachers who didn’t tell funny stories or make jokes in their sermons. He felt cheated if a sermon was less than an hour long.

This second man began to pray. He said, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people--doctrinally ignorant, theologically clueless, superficial in their saccharine-sweet evangelicalism. I thank you that you have made me what I am: true to good doctrine, uncompromising on teaching, orthodox to the core.”

But the first man would not even look up to heaven. Instead he beat his breast and said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

- Josh Harris, Humble Orthodoxy

Convicted?  Yeah, me too.


 (HT: Challies)

Real Leaders Apologize

Thom Rainer:

I recently spoke with a young man I befriended on a trip. He is not a Christian, but he is a seeker in the true sense of the word. He also seems to be very smart and informed. “Thom,” he began, “I read a lot of interactions among Christians online. I really am interested in learning from them.” He paused for a moment, and continued, “Why is it that you Christians fight so much? Why are you so antagonistic toward each other?”

My purpose in providing that true story is not to tell you how I responded. My greater purpose is to remind ourselves that the world is watching. We will certainly make mistakes and say things we regret. But we can always apologize. If we are wrong, we should always apologize.

Real leaders apologize.

Real Christian leaders apologize.

Read the rest.


Books by Thom Rainer:

• Surprising Insights from the Unchurched and Proven Ways to Reach Them
• The Millennials
• Breakout Churches: Discover How to Make the Leap
• Essential Church?: Reclaiming a Generation of Dropouts
• Simple Church

Want To Have a Healthy Marriage?

Read this short article for the best advice I know of.

Russell Moore on the Failed Mayan Apocalypse

Russell Moore:

There’s something embedded in the human conscience that knows there’s a day of reckoning. In the heart God has implanted a witness to the coming judgment (Rom. 2:13-16). I think that’s why we take note of old prophecies of the end, wherever they come from, and why every culture tells stories, sings songs, makes movies and television shows about the end of it all.

The Mayans were wrong about the calendar. But they weren’t wrong that the arc of history is headed toward something cataclysmic. That’s a word of judgment. God sees and knows and will call to account. But it’s also, for the people of Christ, a word of promise. God hasn’t forgotten you. Jesus hasn’t left you as orphans. Yes, it seems to have been a long time from the Roman empire to the digital age. But a thousand years is as a day, and a day as a thousand years (2 Pet. 3:8).

And even the delay is a sign of God’s goodness and kindness. Every morning the sun comes up is another opportunity for the lost to welcomed home by the God who is “patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (2 Pet. 3:9).

Today’s probably not the end of the age, and we ought to have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, the coming of Jesus isn’t the end of anything, but the start of a new earth liberated from the reign of death. So we ought to groan, “Come Lord Jesus.” On the other hand, the delay means there’s still room for more.

Read the rest.


 Books by Russell Moore:

• Tempted and Tried: Temptation and the Triumph of Christ
• Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches
• The Kingdom of Christ: The New Evangelical Perspective

Authority in Weakness

Collin Hansen:

Jesus never needed to confess any sin. He established his moral authority through perfect love and staggering miracles. And that got him killed. We sinners silently and sometimes violently resent goodness. But we read in Philippians 2 that his humbling death on the cross led to his exaltation in heaven. He did this to secure salvation for all who believe and to leave believers an example. Citing Jesus, Paul writes, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves" (Phil 2:3).

Jesus shows us you'll never earn or recover moral authority in the world's eyes unless you renounce the world's means. We know we'll fail if judged by peers on a scale. A lifetime of good works can be wiped away after one misstep. Instead, we seek the good of others before our own, careful always to confess our sin and boast in our weakness, so that Jesus might be exalted above all. We won't be perfect, but we'll offer credible witness to the power of the gospel.

Read the rest.

Do You Ever Say "Sorry" First?

Chris Brauns:

The Bible says that God gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34). If we are to receive the grace given to the humble, it often means saying “I am sorry” first.

Don’t you find it relatively easy to apologize if the other humbly approaches you? Going first is the bit that is hard to swallow.

You would never claim perfection in marriage. You just believe your spouse was more wrong; he or she ought to crawling to you before there is resolution. Maybe you clattered your bowl into the kitchen sink and shut the door with a grumpy bang on your way to work this morning, because you thought your spouse should apologize first. What silly games we play.

Read the rest.


Books by Chris Brauns:

• Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds
• When the Word Leads Your Pastoral Search: Biblical Principles and Practices to Guide Your Search

God Desires All to Be Saved, and Grants Repentance to Some

John Piper:

Put two texts together, and see what you see.

“God desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth (eis epignōsin alētheias)” (1 Timothy 2:4).

“God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth (eis epignōsin alētheias)” (2 Timothy 2:25).

Here’s what I see...

Read the rest.