"This school year, let’s fight for a kid’s right to lose."

Op-Ed in the NY Times:

As children return to school this fall and sign up for a new year’s worth of extracurricular activities, parents should keep one question in mind. Whether your kid loves Little League or gymnastics, ask the program organizers this: “Which kids get awards?” If the answer is, “Everybody gets a trophy,” find another program.

The conclusion:

When children make mistakes, our job should not be to spin those losses into decorated victories. Instead, our job is to help kids overcome setbacks, to help them see that progress over time is more important than a particular win or loss, and to help them graciously congratulate the child who succeeded when they failed. To do that, we need to refuse all the meaningless plastic and tin destined for landfills. We have to stop letting the Trophy-Industrial Complex run our children’s lives. This school year, let’s fight for a kid’s right to lose.

Read the rest.

Why Youth Ministry Needs More Than Pizza and Pony Rides

Great article here.

Top 10 Reasons Our Kids Leave Church

This is a good list full of good reminders.  Please read.

"It’s like grandma got dropped in the middle of Lord of the Flies"

Some great reflections here from the Mockingbird blog about the recent news story of the woman bus driver who was bullied mercilessly by the gang of rabid 7th graders.

Mockingbird Blog:

Yes, these kids will get some “first use of the law” punishment from their parents and the school system, as well they should. But perhaps the real grace in this situation is that Klein has so far refused to press criminal charges. She has not returned insult with insult, nor demanded an eye for an eye. “[She] was oppressed, and [she] was afflicted, yet [she] opened not [her] mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so [she] opened not [her] mouth,” to paraphrase Isaiah 53. In a world that would throw these thirteen year-olds behind bars for their bullying, Klein has, for now, extended a hand of grace, which might actually be the thing that changes the bully heart.

Read the rest.

Kid, you are not special

LZ Granderson:

I don't claim to know everything about parenting, but I do know parents do their children a disservice by constantly sugarcoating their shortcomings to protect their feelings. I can't think of a more surefire way to raise a loser than not allowing a child to learn what it really takes to be a winner.

Not that everything in life is a competition. But if children can't handle competition when it's necessary, or take some criticism, or never strive to be better because their parents inadvertently programmed them to believe they are already the best even when they're not, then they are in for some serious shocks and bumps down the road.

That's the part of the discussion that's missing from all the chatter about David McCullough Jr.'s controversial "You Are Not Special" commencement speech. He didn't call the Wellesley High School Class of 2012 a bunch of lowlifes who won't amount to anything. Rather, he was adjusting their lenses so that they could see the world they were about to enter more clearly.

Read the rest.  

The Rise of Urban Digital Tribes

From this article in Christiantiy Today:

...we underestimate how much young people are shaped by the massive power of the digital tools, consumer culture, and media of the broader American culture. Thomas Bergler's work in The Juvenilization of American Christianity gives us a fabulous phrase for this: "the deadening effect of popular culture." Of course, many Christians recognize and bemoan the impact of media and technology on young people. Many, however, miss how much the influence is increasing and how much every age group is feeling its effects. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, the typical teenager is using more than 10 hours of media per day, far more than previous generations. Is it any wonder when you mix and stir human nature, reality television, and social media that one-quarter of today's teenagers believe there is a "definite" or "probable" chance they will be famous or well-known by age 25? Call it the American Idol effect....

In addition, our research shows that typical parents are just as "addicted" to media and technology as are their teenagers, just in different ways. In an ironic and telling shift, the teenagers we interviewed complained that their parents' use of technology was inhibiting quality family time.

Read the rest.

(HT: Josh Harris)

The Demise of Guys: How video games and porn are ruining a generation

CNN:

Is the overuse of video games and pervasiveness of online porn causing the demise of guys?
Increasingly, researchers say yes, as young men become hooked on arousal, sacrificing their schoolwork and relationships in the pursuit of getting a tech-based buzz.

Every compulsive gambler, alcoholic or drug addict will tell you that they want increasingly more of a game or drink or drug in order to get the same quality of buzz.

Video game and porn addictions are different. They are "arousal addictions," where the attraction is in the novelty, the variety or the surprise factor of the content. Sameness is soon habituated; newness heightens excitement. In traditional drug arousal, conversely, addicts want more of the same cocaine or heroin or favorite food.

The consequences could be dramatic: The excessive use of video games and online porn in pursuit of the next thing is creating a generation of risk-averse guys who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school and employment.

Read the rest.

(HT:  T-Wax)

The Jesus Storybook Bible Curriculum

Check it out here. Seems like a no-brainer for most churches for the discipleship of our kids.

The Ultimate Church Sign from The Ultimate Youth Pastor

Why Youth Stay in Church When They Grow Up

John Nielson:

“What do we do about our kids?” The group of parents sat together in my office, wiping their eyes. I’m a high school pastor, but for once, they weren’t talking about 16-year-olds drinking and partying. Each had a story to tell about a “good Christian” child, raised in their home and in our church, who had walked away from the faith during the college years. These children had come through our church’s youth program, gone on short-term mission trips, and served in several different ministries during their teenage years. Now they didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. And, somehow, these mothers’ ideas for our church to send college students “care packages” during their freshman year to help them feel connected to the church didn’t strike me as a solution with quite enough depth.

Read the rest.

Keep in mind that this is not a formula. You can do all these things and still have your children leave the faith. I would add a #4 as well. The children see their parents repent. Repentance is the #1 fruit of the Gospel. If the Gospel is alive in your family you will be a repenting family. Sadly, this is not the norm.

Why Youth Stay in Church When They Grow Up

Great post here from Jon Nielson about youth ministry and why kids grow up and stay invested in the church.

A Letter to a Teenager

John Piper:

Four years ago a teenager in our church wrote to me for advice about life in general, and identity in particular. Here is what I wrote, with a big dose of autobiography for illustration.

Read the letter.

The Big Picture Story Bible eBook with Read-Aloud

Crossway Blog:

We’re proud to announce the release of The Big Picture Story Bible eBook with Read-Aloud (available only in itunes/ibookstore).

Originally released in 2004, The Big Picture Story Bible by David R. Helm and Gail Shoonmaker received such positive feedback that a companion audio CD was released in 2010. Now the two have been joined! When purchased for the iPad in the itunes/iBookstore readers can follow along as the book reads itself!

By synchronizing the pre-recorded audio track with the written text of our book, God’s big picture is literally illuminated as the words light up in sync with the narrator’s voice. We know that your children will love this easy and fun new way to read a classic book on your family’s iPad. Click here to download your copy today ($12.99).

Here’s how it works...

Read the rest.

Children Are a Glorious Inconvenience

Youth Group Has To Be More Than Pizza and Pony Rides

Drew Dyck:

Over the past year I've conducted dozens of interviews with 20-somethings who have walked away from their Christian faith. Among the most surprising findings was this: nearly all of these "leavers" reported having positive experiences in youth group. I recall my conversation with one young man who described his journey from evangelical to atheist. He had nothing but vitriol for the Christian beliefs of his childhood, but when I asked him about youth group, his voice lifted. "Oh, youth group was a blast! My youth pastor was a great guy." 

I was confused. I asked Josh Riebock, a former youth pastor and author of mY Generation, to solve the riddle: if these young people had such a good time in youth group, why did they ditch their faith shortly after heading to college? 

His response was simple. "Let's face it," he said. "There are a lot more fun things to do at college than eat pizza."

Read the rest.  

"I Can't Stand Kids..."

Walt Mueller:

Natalie Munroe is only 30-years-old. She's been teaching English at Central Bucks East High School in the suburbs of Philly for only a few years, and already she's sick and tired of kids. . . so sick, in fact, that she's used some choice words on her blog to let the world know what she really thinks of teenagers. Her blogging got her in some big trouble and she's now suspended from her job as school administrators try to figure out what to do with her.

I found out about Munroe last Thursday morning as I read a news story about her online rants. She wrote - among other things - "My students are out of control. They are rude, disengaged, lazy whiners. They curse, discuss drugs, talk back, argue for grades, complain about everything, fancy themselves entitled to whatever they desire, and are just generally annoying. Kids, they are disobedient, disrespectful oafs. Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy LOAFERS." Hmmmm. Is she right?

Later on in the piece he writes:

If the fundamental problem of every kid in every generation is the same as it always was - that is, dealing with their own sin and bent towards worship of self - then the unique way this current generation is living that issue out might just be through the personification of mantras like "this sucks," "screw you," and "whatever." And if kids are the "vehicles" moving in that direction, then over-indulgent and child-centered parents (that's a funny term, huh?) are the ones fueling the ride. When life works like that it really isn't working at all because, after all, that's not the way it's supposed to be. 

Read the rest.


I would give a strong "Amen" to his comment about parents.  This whole "change" in kids these days (is it really a change?) is less about the kids themselves and more about the parents.  Dads, where you at?

Media Discernment

Walt Mueller:

There's been lots of talk and buzz concerning MTV's controversial teen drama, Skins. In perfect world we wouldn't be talking about Skins because it wouldn't exist. In a near-perfect world we would be able to step into our kids' lives and simply tell them to turn it off, or don't turn it on in the first place. . . and they would gladly listen knowing that we had their best interests in mind. But the fact of the matter is that we don't live a perfect world. So what do we do?

That last question is my cue (given by me) to trumpet our need to teach our kids to think critically and Christianly for themselves about their media choices. . . a skill that will serve them well both now and for the rest of their lives.


For years we worked hard here at CPYU to develop a paradigm, system, and tool for media discernment. I believe that we landed on something really excellent and helpful when we put together our How To Use Your Head to Guard Your Heart: A 3(D) Guide to Making Responsible Media Choices, our little guide that's now being used by tens of thousands of kids. If you're not familiar with it, you can learn more here. Then last year, our friends at Simply Youth Ministry worked with us to created and release Download, a simple-to-use three-week DVD curriculum that teaches kids how to use the 3(D) guide.

Read the rest.

N.Y. City, Teenagers, Sex, & Identity

Walt Mueller:

Did you happen to see the report that came out today regarding teenagers and sexual behavior? Published in the journal Pediatrics, the report is based on survey data from the latest edition of The Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which was administered to 17,220 New York City high school students. The Associated Press ran a story by Karen Matthews summarizing the report's findings.

Here's some of what you need to know about today's teens:

-7,261 of the students who completed the survey said they had had sexual intercourse.
-93.1 percent of the sexually active males had only had sexual contact with female partners.
-3.2 percent of the sexually active males said they'd had contact only with other males.
-3.7 percent of the sexually active males had had both male and female sexual partners.
-88.1 percent of the sexually active females said they'd only had sex with males.
-3.2 percent of the sexually active females said they'd only had sex with female partners.
-8.7 percent of sexually active females said they'd had sex with both male and female partners.
-Among all the sexually active teens, 9.3 percent reported having at least one same-sex partner.
-Of all the teens who reported having at least one same-sex partner, 38.9 percent said that they were "heterosexual" or "straight."
-Among girls who reported having both male and female partners, 35.8 percent said they had experienced dating violence during the previous year.
-Among boys who reported having both male and female partners, 34.8 percent reported experiencing dating violence during the previous year.

His reflection on this data:

Because I am an integrated being. . . even when my actions don't coincide with my stated beliefs and convictions . . . I ultimately act out who I believe I am. . . whether that belief is something I've consciously or unconsciously assimilated into my life. And when the great task of adolescence is identity formation and the figuring out of who I am, doesn't it make sense that we invest our time and effort into helping our kids establish their identity? As people who follow Christ and believe that our identity is found in the One who made us for Himself, doesn't that say quite a bit about the focus we need in our ministries to kids? You see, if my identity is wrapped up in anything less than that which transcends me, myself, and I. . . well, then I can do and be anything I want to do and be.

I think this study issues a loud and clear call to the Church. . . we must think seriously about how to reach kids with the message of where to ultimately find their identity. . . and what that means for all of life. I'm not sure that anything else can effect lasting behavioral change. . . or serve them well as they discover the purpose for their God-given sexuality.

We Killed Our Youth Group

I know this is not a new thought by Levi but I see it probably becoming more mainstream in the future.

We Killed The Youth Group from Levi Lusko on Vimeo.

(HT: Los)

9 Strategies for Reaching Over-Churched Kids

Tony Kummer with another great post about over-church kids.  This one focuses on how to win them.

This point stood out to me as significant:

Model Repentance: With over-churched kids, we can’t pretend that Christians are always the good guys. They see behind our Sunday morning smiles and know that we’re not perfect people. When we are honest about our failings, and confess our sins, it points them to the Gospel. When teaching, use examples of Christian repentance and be transparent about your own struggles. This is a key to parenting, but it’s also a great strategy for kids ministry.

Read the rest.

(HT:  Doug Wolter)