This summer my wife and I have been leading a group of younger couples through a study/conversation about what it means to have a marriage that glorifies God in every aspect. The first week we talked about Ephesians 5 and what that means for our marriages. The second week we talked about money and this past week dealt with part 1 of conflict in marriage.
One of the things that my wife and I attempted to instill was the importance of the two "T"s: Timing and Tone when it comes to conflict in marriage. Two questions to ask oneself are key...
1. Is this a good time to bring this issue up? Is my partner in a good place emotionally right now, or would I be adding more unnecessary emotional burden by bringing this up at this time?
2. What is my tone as I speak? It is harsh and accusatory, or do I seek to embrace humility and gentleness with my speech?
We believe that is these two questions were the filter through which we approached the potentially tense moments before raising an issue of conflict, most conflicts would be more smoothly navigated.
Granted, at times issues simply needs to be dealt with and delaying for the sake of not adding another burden may not be possible. At these times we need to walk more gently than ever and press on in love.
I have always told my wife that she can say absolutely anything to me as long as she approaches me with gentleness and respect. I think most men would probably feel the same way about this. On the flip side a higher value for women may be the issue of timing. Since, generally speaking women are more global and overlapping in how they process their emotions, adding another emotional burden through lack of discernment of the current state of her feelings may be what men primarily need to seek to avoid.
That being said, we believe that both Time and Tone are key factors to consider for both sexes before entering into conflict.
1 comment:
Very helpful! Thanks for the insight! One of the things I am learning more and more of is how much these two "t's" matter.
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