Lauterbach on Censorious Thoughts

Mark Lauterbach has some personally convicting comments here:

Censoriousness. That's a big word -- what does it mean? Edwards defines charity (love) as a "disposition to think the best of others" and censoriousness is " a disposition to think evil of others." It is in the specifics that I am struck with the pride of my own thoughts and heart and how often I am censorious.

But, before I get to specifics, let me deal with the objections of my own heart -- aren't we supposed to be discerning? aren't we supposed to be on our guard? Isn't looking for grace in others a danger -- might we drop our guard and end up caugt in sin or error?

Isn't God holy? Yes, but then I reflect on how my Lord critiques me and I think of Ps 130 -- if the Lord numbered our sins, who could stand? But he does not -- he is patient and selective and gentle with us.

Those are the questions I ask myself -- and let me give you my answers.

1. Discernment is as much about seeing grace as it is about seeing sin and error. Discernment is not "proof reading" -- i.e. finding the errors only. Discernment is judging between good and evil and that means we must be as familiar with seeing good as seeing evil.

2. If I am truly discerning I will see grace in others. And here is the test, is that where my thoughts go? After I leave a conversation, am I quick to question the motives or ideas of others? When I read a book am I quick to find fault? When I come home from worship and evaluate the morning, do I focus on what needs to be improved?

3. I need to listen to my thoughts to see where my heart is. If I see fault almost all the time, it is because I have a proud and self-righteous spirit about me. I am acting as judge and advice giver to all. Where do my thoughts go? This morning, I was stunned to record my critical thoughts of the previous day -- I was amazed that all through my day I was critiquing people -- their weight, their customer care, their communication, their clothing, their performance.

Here is one application from a few years ago:
A few years ago a friend suggested that I was probably much better at finding fault than at seeing grace --- and he wondered if my children were affected by that. The consideration of that brought me to spend an entire summer doing nothing but commending my children, by abstaining from all critique. Now, my kids are young adults and that is different than when they are being trained through discipline at younger ages. But, it was a huge exercise in faith for me.

My heart objected -- if all I do is point out grace, how will they grow? How will they see their sin? The root of that was a sense of my own indispensability for their sanctification. The fruit of that summer was a change in my relationship with them. I discovered that my critical spirit had been a temptation to them --to be defensive, resistant. They are responsible for their own sin, but I had created a context of fear of disclosure and lack of grace. I was responsible for that.

I am learning a little about how humility sees grace in others and does not think itself an expert in giving advice or making critiques. I have more to work on in my own heart than I have time for -- I do not need to spend a huge amount of time critiquing others. I should see grace in them and give thanks to God.

This is how my Father deals with me -- he does not name all my sins. That would undo me! He is so very gentle. And he offers far more encouragement than correction. I want my life to mirror the grace of God.