Recently I was having an interesting discussion with a new friend from church about parenting. He has kids that are older than mine and we got to talking about styles of parenting and such. He told me that he and his wife work very hard to protect their kids from any and all negative outside influences from the culture. Here is the run down:
1. Home school the kids
2. Almost no contact allowed with peers in the neighborhood
3. Very limited contact with peers from our church due to most of our families being too "liberal".
I appreciate this man's desire to protect his kids and I can't sit back and say that these three things above are necessarily wrong. As a father of 3, I can greatly relate to this primal need to shield my children from anything harmful. The thought of my oldest going off to school next year is about enough to make me pee my pants.
But here is my question...(and it is a question, not a judgment)... If we have such a fierce streak of protective structure placed upon our kids lives, do we expect them at some point to just flip a switch and become radical Christ following, pagan culture influencing, truth declaring for the sake of love, kinds of disciples?
But perhaps even more importantly, here is another question: Do our kids see us modeling evangelism as something that they will someday grow into, or do we simply model in our adult lives that same fortress mentality of protection from the world? When do our kids see us relating to people who don't give a rip about Jesus? When do they hear us teach them about the fact that some people who don't love Jesus behave differently than we attempt to?
If we say we are Christians then we HAVE to take The Great Commission seriously. How will our kids learn to do it unless they see us doing it?
Now, do I take my kids to strip club because strippers need Jesus too? Of course not. We certainly need to be discerning in terms of who and what we allow our kids to be exposed to, but my main point here is that if we protect our kids to the extent that they don't ever see us actually engage with real life pagan culture, I don't think they'll probably ever emerge well from behind the protective walls we set for them.
I ask these questions to my friend (and maybe he has great answers that we just didn't have a chance to dive into), but I ask them also to myself as I pray for the grace to love people who, like me, need a Savior.
5 comments:
I expect they will see a backlash when these kids get older, not radical followers of Christ.
As one who also takes great steps to keep my 12 year old and 13 year old away from the worldly aspects of our culture (and yes, they are in Christian school), I think I may be able to fill in a few of your questions. Honestly, I think it’s a mistake to assume someone who keeps their children from worldliness is also refraining from evangelism. Nothing could be further from the truth. My children and I go on frequent mission trips to Mexico (we’re leaving on another one in just a few weeks), we are involved in several local soup kitchen outreaches, as well as every Saturday we volunteer at a low-income food pantry distributing Christian literature and speaking with people about their need for Christ as the “clients” shop for their free groceries.
The key is that our family does interact at great lengths with our neighboring society, but NEVER for the purposes of joining in its entertainment or participating in any way with things we believe to be wrong. Our interaction is more on a level of servanthood/helping. For example, we actively seek relationships with our neighbors in terms of being the ones to go pull their weeds, to lug home boxes for them so they can organize their garages, bringing them food when they are sick, helping them whenever they need assistance with anything. We actively look for ways to meet any needs we see. We also invite them over into our home and out to eat with us in a spirit of hospitality. As a result, several of our neighbors seek us out when they are in trouble with a situation they need prayer for, and they will call us at home and say, “Could you pray for me about such-and-such? I’m really worried and I know you believe in all that God and prayer stuff…?”
At every slightest opportunity, we seek ways to drop off Christian reading material or speak words of Christ’s hope into their lives, knowing that if we keep persevering, seeds are being planted – and in His good time, perhaps we will see fruit come forth. Our goal is to just be faithful.
What we do NOT do is allow my son or daughter to go spend hours of time at the neighbors’ homes where I know the parents do not hold to the same values as we do. That’s just irresponsible. But I have no issue with allowing the neighbor’s kids to come to our home for hours and play with my kids, knowing I am there to supervise and that the activities are consistent with what I approve of for our family.
We really take seriously that we are commanded to “abstain from every form of evil.” We aim to interact with our society in such a way that emulates (as best we can) the way Jesus did it – ministering to the needs of people yet not participating in evil. And we truly believe that most of what is called “entertainment” in our culture is nothing more than feeding on trash for a Christian’s soul. If coarse jesting, adultery, murder, lying, and idolatry is wrong in “real life,” how can we justify watching it on TV or reading about it or listening to it in song lyrics *for the purpose of entertainment*? To me, that is tantamount to being a willful participant in the deeds of darkness.
Do I think my kids will hit 18 years old and then say, “Wow! Now we get to do all the stuff Mom never let us do!!” No, because while they do not participate in the aforementioned things, I do not believe in ignorance either. What that means is, my kids know all about Paris Hilton’s jail time and Britney Spears’ head-shaving escapade, etc etc. When items come up in the news, I don’t keep my children from knowing about them. We talk about what Paris did and the choices she made that brought her to this juncture in her life, and then we bring Scripture (typically Proverbs) to bear on the matter. “These are some of the wrong choices Paris made that has resulted in her living this life of decadence and carelessness…” As a result, my kids see the DESTRUCTIVE outcome of a life lived apart from God, rather than the culture’s rose-colored spin. I want my kids to see that sin kills, rather than be enamored with it’s lures like our pop culture portrays it.
As my kids compare the actions of the worldly culture around them with God’s precepts, they are carefully learning that the way of the transgressor is hard but that the way of the godly shines like the sun. As a result, they have no desire to be involved in it. But it does NOT mean I let them listen to Paris’ or Britney’s album!
To me, the line is carefully drawn between letting my kids be aware of the hopeless living of a lost and dying culture around them -- yet NOT participating in its trash. It is very possible to actively spend ones’ time in ministry and evangelism to the poor and disenfranchised of our local community -- yet not participating in the ungodliness of our lost culture. Both of my kids, by the grace of God, are passionate followers of Christ and eagerly serve Him. Since they were little toddlers, they have been raised to know that we exist for His pleasure and that true joy in life comes from serving the Creator who loves them.
I pray God keeps them in His grip for as long as life lasts. :)
Sorry this comment is so long!
Holly,
Thanks for the helpful comment. Great stuff. I didn't mean to imply that that one "who keeps their children from worldliness is also refraining from evangelism". No my intention, just a question for my friend. How one "keeps from worldliness" is also a definitional question that I think you have defined well for you family. Perhaps I'll edit my post to make it more clear.
Christian sub-culture fascinates me Zach. I send my 6 year old to public school in St. Louis and, incredibly, I love her and protect her. I have the feeling (though I'm not certain) that some Christians would consider this to be impossible at worst and a paradox at best.
I'd be interested to know if there were any good book resources on this topic.
You raise some great questions, Z... none of which seem to warrant easy answers.
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