When (not if) you get offended by someone or something at your church, don't leave silently. There are two possible benefits to talking about the offense. One, the offending party might need to grow in holiness through repentance and your confrontation of him/her could be the means to this end. However, perhaps the problem is not your perception of being offended, but that you are prideful. The second benefit could be seen in that you need to be challenged and address your sin of being easily offended (and potentially a whole host of other things).
We rob one another of a means of sanctification if we leave our churches silently. Don't do it! We need to love each other enough to help one another fight sin.
"Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin" (Hebrews 3:12-13).
9 comments:
What a great and much-needed post! I have heard far too many stories (one would be too many) of people leaving a church quickly and silently after a disagreement, a perceived slight, the end of a courtship (meaning, break-up), etc. Consistent Christian love does not make such a choice so easily. We must love our brothers and sisters (the church, the Bride of Christ) more-- so much so that we will never leave them silently (and/or for a petty reason).
In my experience, there can be more to it than that. For me, leaving churches has ended up being a fundamental difference in the understanding of worship. I realize now that the church I ended up in fundamentally aligns with how I best worship God.
I still agree with the sentiment of your point: to turn the parable of the man with the speck in his eye and the man with the plank in his eye, the man with the speck in his eye probably ought to tell the man with the plank in his eye that the plank is there.
I left a church without telling many people. I still regret it to some degree. I should have at the least voiced my disagreement to the pastoral staff about the very unbiblical "straw the broke the camel's back" that made me finally leave. Everything up to that was local church polity and practices.
Great post! What about those that leave, but they leave because YOU never approached them about the problem THEY were having, though you didn't know about the problem.
Not sure I understand... How could I approach them about an offense they have if I don't know they are offended?
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Ray,
I'm intrigued by your statement, "I realize now that the church I ended up in fundamentally aligns with how I best worship God." Could you please explain a bit more? I'm not sure that I understand what you mean. Hoe does your church worship God? Is it a matter of personal preference?
Ugh, typos again... I meant, "How," not "Hoe."
Great post.
In my experience, as a member and now as a pastor, I've found the "silent departure" to be both discouraging and damaging.
As a member, I am left wondering, "Is there something wrong with the church of which I am unaware?" If there is something worth leaving the church over--then I need to know about it, either to help fix it or, if it cannot be fixed, so that I can leave too.
As a pastor, it is incredibly difficult to know the difference between:
-"I'm gone for two weeks because I'm on vacation."
-"I'm gone for two weeks because I'm sick."
-"I'm gone for two weeks because I'm angry."
An absentee looks like an absentee. Unless you talk to those who've offended you -- believe it or not -- they might not know they've offended you.
Fortunately, (NOTE: tongue is now firmly planted in the cheek) the absentee will usually talk to enough people that you eventually find out why they've left, even after your phone call to them revealed that "nothing's wrong."
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