Why Connection to The Church is Essential to the Health of Your Marriage

"The same difficulties faced by people outside of the church, where divorce rates are approaching 40 percent, are also those faced by people within. A significant element of this pressure is individualism. In a culture in which the rights and desires of the individual are sacred, bringing two individuals together in a relationship as close as marriage is bound to create problems. There is also a disposable attitude toward relationships in general in our society, and this affects attitudes toward marriage. The breakup of the extended family with increased mobility has contributed significantly to the strain placed on marriage. The oft-quoted African proverb claims that “it takes a village to raise a child.” But Western culture is now prepared to leave it almost
entirely to a couple (and in some cases a single person). Many of the support structures of previous generations have been removed, leaving marriage exposed and vulnerable.
There is no better place for marriages to be nurtured than in a communal setting for two principal reasons.

1. The Christian community provides the context in which we learn what it means to be persons-in-community. This is a foundational truth if we are to live successfully with other people. If the
Western world’s prevailing culture reinforces individualism, a different culture is necessary to present an alternative. The church is a great context in which to learn what it means to live in relationship with others. It is the location in which my self-preoccupation will be confronted. This happens as I hear the Bible being taught. It happens as I am encouraged and rebuked by my brothers and sisters who take responsibility for my godliness. It happens as I respond to the Lord’s call to love God with all my heart and my neighbor as myself. It happens as God’s truth conspires with my circumstances to show me that this is not my world and I am not God. It happens as the community responds to my sin with love and grace.

2. The Christian community provides the best context in which marriages can flourish. In the contemporary context, marriage is sometimes little more than “plural individualism.” In the church we find practical support structures. In the church we find people who are committed to our marriage. They know from God’s word what godly marriage involves and will help us live that out. They know what godly marriage involves because, whether married or single, they themselves are part of a relationship of submission and love with Christ (Ephesians 5:22–31). The church provides a wider context that prevents marriages from becoming inward-looking and self-serving."

- Tim Chester and Steve Timmis, Total Church, p. 136,137