We are so blessed to have Mya. It has been 9 days now since she has been ours and we are loving having a fourth child! In the next few days I want to post some initial reflections on how I have been processing Mya coming into our family. This first one has to do with bonding.
From our perspective, initial bonding with your adoptive child is different than bonding with your biological children, especially for the mother.
With our first three kids, my wife had nine months of literal physical connection with this child inside of her, another 9 months or so of breast-feeding (I am told this is a very bonding experience with a child), and the child most-likely looks very similar to one of the parents, so there is a visual bond as well.
With an adopted child none of these experiences occur. We had three weeks to get used to the idea from the time we verbally committed to the time we picked her up. No breast feeding, and this black child couldn't look any less different than the rest of our family. We are about as white bread as they come.
While these factors contribute to bonding taking a little longer, everyday our love continues to grow. We have heard from other adoptive parents, that this is often the case with parents who first had biological children. Nothing to worry about, it just takes a little longer as a different process, but the bond will be just as strong. It hasn't really sunk in yet that she is really ours and not just a precious visitor in our homes, but we love that God has permanently grafted her into our family.
As I have been pondering these feelings I have asked myself this question as well: What part of our adoption by The Father was easy and simple? Cross-bearing is never easy, in fact the cost is exceedingly great, but the blessing is also mind blowingly great as well. By adopting sinners, did not our Father adopt children into his family that were infinitely different than Him? Mya is adorable, precious, and easy to love unlike when God adopted us into His family, we were his enemies, with nothing cute or lovable about us.
Having Mya has been such a blessing and we are so thankful that God has brought her into our lives.
3 comments:
We have adopted three boys ourselves, but that is a great point in that last paragraph, Zach. I had never thought about my (vertical) adoption in those terms. Thanks for that reminder.
I've been following your adoption process, and am praying for you guys as you bond with your daughter.
Sorry, that was supposed to be 'second to last paragraph.'
Love your thoughts, Zach. I appreciate your honesty about this whole process. Sometimes I hear just the rosy picture of adoption ... without realizing it's hard -- just like it is with having another biological child! But like you said, it's a joyful and amazing thing that mirrors God's love.
praying for you in this time,
Doug
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