Honorable people avoid strife. Foolish people are quick to quarrel.
Proverbs 20:3 in four different translations:
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. ESV
It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. NIV
It is an honor for a person to cease from strife, but every fool quarrels. The NET Bible.
Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, But any fool will quarrel. NASB
John Frame offers one explanation of why we are sometimes critical and quick to quarrel, even though wisdom counsels against it:
Because we want glory for ourselves, we seek to find fault in others. Contentious people are constantly looking for something to argue about, some way to start controversy and disrupt the peace.” John Frame*
*Quoted in Jim Belcher, Deep Church, page 66, originally found in Evangelical Reunion (Baker, 1991).
It seems though that some people are called to a life of purposeful engagement in fighting. The greater question probably is, "What is my motive in initiating this conflict?". Jesus was constantly engaged in conflict with the Jewish leaders. William Wilberforce's life was given over to decades of conflict for the sake of justice. Conflict seems to be the norm in a healthy marriage and church. But again, we must ask the "why" question. I believe that before we engage in conflict we must start with a rigorous reflection of our own hearts to flesh out what is really driving the need to pursue it. Sometimes these motives will be noble, other times these motives will be far from pure.
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