Why Single Dudes Aren’t Busy

One of my pet peeves of human communication is the phrase, "I don't have time."  At the core, it's really a bit dishonest.  In most situations, there is always enough time.  It is never a matter of time, it is usually a matter of priorities.  If I told you that if you could get to New York City tonight by midnight you could have a million dollars, you would figure out a way to make that a priority.  Again, it's not a time issue, it's a priority issue.  So instead of using the phrase, "Oh, I just didn't have time to get such and such done", why not just be more honest and say, "I have chosen to not make that a priority right now".  Perhaps this seems more harsh and raw, but I would rather have raw and honest than nicey nicey and untrue.

Along similar lines, Bob Thune writes about the ubiquitous phrase, "I'm so busy", in reference to single guys at his church.  He writes:

Two years ago at the Coram Deo men’s retreat, I made a statement that has lived in infamy: “If you’re single, you aren’t busy.” I was tired of single men using the excuse of “busyness” to avoid serving others and participating in the mission. Some of the single dudes took offense. After all, we have many single men at Coram Deo who are med students, law students, etc. They are busting their chops studying and trying to survive the pressure-cooker of post-graduate work. So isn’t “busyness” a valid excuse? My answer: no.

Most of us think of “busyness” in terms of hours devoted to a specific job, role, or task. In this sense, single guys who have actual jobs or who attend actual schools may be as busy as anyone else. But that’s not the criteria I’m using.

Instead, think of busyness as the amount of your time you control. When you are single, you are in control of your schedule. You decide what to devote your time to. When you are married, suddenly you’re no longer autonomous in your time management; you have to factor your spouse’s needs/wants/concerns into the equation. Once you have a child, things really change. Have more than two kids, and you rarely have a minute to yourself. Even your “free time” is devoted first and foremost to the other human beings who depend on you. Which means you play a lot less golf and a lot more peek-a-boo.

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