I appreciate your willingness to address this issue in men. I always find that posting things such as this inspires much silence in the comment section.
Our generation of men is THE porn generation. The internet awakened during our adolescence and sexual peak. Parents from the baby boomer gen looked at the computer and internet as a glorified video game, harmless, turning a blind eye, while MILLIONS of young men developed ravenous appetites for pornography and the control that it gave them. Gone are the days of sweating it at out the gas station to buy something filthy in public. Magazines? Miss October? Old hat.
In my opinion, it is time for the church to truly address and meet the internet porn industry head-on. The Promise Keepers started *something* and the isles were full to the alter during confession time at the end. But that's not enough. There needs to be not "a", but "THE GREAT" concerted, across the world effort and CHURCH offensive to ban and utterly filter pornography in the homes. Every church should pay and supply filters for every household to begin with. Free of charge. No pressure on the government, or political coalitions. This is a distraction. There we will find no help. This is the church addressing the church. Christian to Christian. Setting the standard. This will also take the understanding and support of just about every wife in the church. God will have to grant a special grace to this generation of women to help us stand together against it. There is no excusing it, however, they should understand that they married addicts, on some level or another. Aside from that, it has turned sex in marriage into just sex. Birth control is through the roof. There is nothing procreative about it. In fact, that is seen as an absolute annoyance and a bad side effect to sex by most marriages (now). More control.
Porn is the silent cancer eating away at marriage in my generation today. The church is doing a thing or two, but nothing on the scale that it needs to be.
I would venture to say that there isn't a 20-40 year old male living in this country who does not struggle or has struggled in this area.
It is as if a mental cocaine was introduced into every home in the country and the church is on the whole oddly and embarrassingly silent about it.
I'm serious when I say that I haven't met a man, not one, married or unmarried, who hasn't struggled with internet pornography. Not. One.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The Porn Generation
My friend Seth Ward wrote this comment on my post from yesterday dealing with porn and marriage. I thought it was very insightful so I decided to post it in full for you to read. I wholly agree that this is THE issue for men of our generation. The church needs to rise up with a proactive assault against this sin. If your church doesn't have some sort of structure by which this issue is being dealt with (for men AND women) I would contend that there is something grossly missing.
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9 comments:
great post...
However, I hope it is well known that opendns.com is free and provides free filtering... Just allow your wife to be the password keeper.
thanks!
However well intentioned, no filter, no program, nor anything else will help the sinful heart to put down sin, except the grace of God in Jesus Christ, which works in us by his Spirit through faith in His word. Bottom line. We are told that "no sin shall have dominion over you: for you are not under the law, but under grace". Rom.6:14. So, then, the question is do we believe God and His promise? Do we pray to God requesting and expecting God to fulfill His promises because Christ died and paid fore them, or do we find that the only way to conquer sin is through all of these various fleshly attempts that always end in failure? It's God that work in us BOTH to will and to do of His good pleasure; therefore, we need look no further than the message of the Gospel, received by faith, depending on God to create the fruit of the Spirit within us for Christ's sake. In conclusion, we as the Church need to believe our God more and depend upon ourselves less, and then we'll see God doing GREAT things as He changes us into the image of His Son.
Cyrus
I COMPLETELY agree with the bottom line here. SOMETHING has got to be done.
In our culture and era, we need fighting this cancer to be in our DNA.
But I don't think the means mentioned - filters - is probably the right solution.
Sin will always find an outlet if we haven't conquered it. If your wife has the password on your computer, what about your phone? What about tricks to fool the filter?
It's a helpful tool, but it isn't sufficient.
So... what is?
Z -
I agree.
For those of us who are pastors and want to address this: What structure does your church use to deal with this?
We don't have one right now, but would love to see small group leaders lead out on this one in a formalized.
From a recent article about Tiger Woods in Yahoo News. The world is waking up to the addiction as well.
"The prevalence of online pornography and the Internet's ability to allow people to make connections to satisfy fetishes and find sex partners has helped foster what Schwartz described as an "epidemic" of sex addiction.
"When people who are genetically predisposed to addiction get hit by an addictive substance like cocaine or sex, it can grab them," Schwartz said."
(My aside) Most addictions start like any other addiction the are a soothing solution for some very common pain: Fear, doubt, inadequacy, anger. Women and men both function similarly in their developments of the disorders- anorexia can start with a simple painful insecurity and into a full self-loathing and life-threatening disease.
As far as dealing with the issue through filtering, I think the bigger thing to address is the church actually addressing it and offering some kind of process for practical repentance and future deterrence. We filter our TV somewhat, right? Why not the darn internet??? And if the world won't supply one then the Church should offer SOMETHING. We forget that the internet is still fairly new. Comparing it to the TV it is still in its "black and white" days.
It is amazing that modern psychology is closely linked (Jungian therapy) with spirituality. For instance, when I saw a therapist once I was told to identify my fear as if it were a real person and ask it to leave. I told the therapist how close this was to Christianity and asking in the name of Jesus to leave. He agreed.
For those that struggle, I would say to start with addressing the sin or the sprit that you have allowed to inhabit or torment your soul. "Where did you come from?" This may be uncomfortable but you will be AMAZED: It will tell you when and where it started. Then, you ask in the name of Jesus for it to leave. In doing so you might find yourself in a real battle. Insecurities that you bury deep inside... all kinds of things that don't want to leave. But they all gotta go. If you have a deep rooted hardcore addiction there may be things that need to be ousted that could require the probing questions of a real pro. But many of us simply need to ask ourselves where and why it started.
It HAS to start there.
Filters and so forth, without identifying the root, can simply lead to more failure and depression and then more control and a big stupid cycle that leaves you frustrated. However, after the correct process, a Filter is a good thing. It simply blocks many unwanted or unwelcome images that might cause you to stumble. Like it is good for a x-smoker not being around people who smoke when they are experiencing a great deal of stress.
Again, I'll say it: You'll never start down the road to victory until you let the Lord find the root and then ask it to leave. You invited it in, you kick it out, and all in the name of Jesus.
Understand, that it will take time to retrain your neurons towards a healthy outlook on sexuality, as you have damaged your brain, somewhat. But God's creation is miraculous in it's built-in ability to heal when properly fed the right things. The first step is finding the beginning, where and why.
Do we have groups in the church to publicize and and openly root out sin common on women? I'm not aware of any. Do we mainly just focus on issues that affect men?
Thanks for bringing up what truly is an epidemic. Once or twice a year in our church, I recommend x3watch.com from the pulpit to both men and women (I saw a study a few years ago showing that 20% of Christian women are addicted to online porn).
It's not a filter, it's a program that emails a list of questionable sites you've visited to an accountability partner every few weeks so they can ask you about it. This brings the sin out of the darkness (where filters allow it to hide), into the light of the gospel community. That's the context where God's grace most effectively operates in our lives.
Continued blessings on your church plant prep, Zach.
Matt,
I, along with my entire men's bible study use that and it is effective.
Btw, I apologize if I sound a little intense about this right now, it's just that I'm witnessing this stuff silently destroy two marriages of people that are close to me and I've seen it destroy at least 2 in the past few years- both close friends as well. I'm sure we can all share similar situations.
I also didn't mean to get all Bob Larson with casting out the devils, but I believe strongly that a man (or a woman) should go to the source and that is nearly impossible to know unless you confront it. I'm serious when I say "it" will tell you. It's kind of an eye opener on many levels. See: Screwtape Letters.
As G.K. Chesterton observed, "never pull down a fence until you understand why it was put up." And Paul states the "we battle not against flesh and blood" You better believe that it is more than yourself and lack of control at work here. It was that way in the garden and it's that way now. If you miss that, then you miss something VERY important.
Also, if you haven't read "Every Man's Battle" go get it. The best of them, right there.
Okay, all for now...
Thanks again for the discussion-
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