Things To Remember When Speaking About Gender Roles in the Church

John Starke has some helpful thoughts for those speaking with people who might be skeptical of the complementarian position.  He writes:

1. Be mindful that there may be women listening to you who have been abused by their husbands or there may be some who have watched their mothers be mistreated by their fathers. A complementarian vision for the family and local church can often times feel like a knife in the ribs. Any argument for authority will sound like a breeding ground for abuse cases. We should be mindful that there are some who may need complementarianism packaged more sensitively. We must not only be mindful of such listeners, but defend them against the abusers. Abuse is horribly sinful and church leaders should actively defend the abused. To be complacent in such matters is grievous. However, complementarianism can be very compelling when men defend the helpless.
2. We should understand that more and more Christians, especially in the last 20 years, have grown up in local churches where women are in explicit or functional leadership. Or they grew up in homes where the father hasn’t faithfully led his family, leaving much of the decision making and leadership to the wife. Egalitarianism makes perfect sense of their reality and such interpretations of Scripture can seem very compelling. As pastors bring Scripture to bear upon the hearts and lives of such people, keeping these situations in mind can help make a case for complementarianism more persuasive.
3. I remember sitting with 60,000 other college students, enthralled by the life-changing message of “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper at Passion OneDay 2000 in Memphis, Tennessee. I had never heard anyone preach like that. Like most young Christians, Piper had a huge impact on me. I picked up as many of his books as I could, including Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, which he edited with Wayne Grudem. I can’t imagine that book having the same impact on me without Piper already having affected my life in other areas. So I’m sympathetic to those who shape their views on women in ministry based on someone else’s view—a pastor or author—who has helped shape so many other areas of their lives. We should not be so quick to accuse them of not taking the Bible seriously. To be sure, we should bring the Bible to bear on them, all the while being careful not to undermine the impact someone else has had on their life (in other ways) for good.
4. Some just need to see it worked out in the life of the church. They need to see that women can joyfully submit to the leadership of their husbands and their pastors. They need to see men who are faithful and kind, strong and loving, courageous and humble in leading their family. For some, consistently watching faithful Christians delighting in God’s design finally causes an “It works!” reaction.

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