Not Just For Husbands

Guest post by Jason Cornwell

Brian Habig, my pastor at Downtown Presbyterian Church, is preaching through the book of I Peter. To say this series has been convicting is like saying Blake Griffin can dunk. Brian is adept at letting the text throw its weight around and pointing his hearers to the Word made Flesh, Jesus Christ.

A couple of weeks ago, the sermon was on I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (You can listen here. http://downtownpres.org/sermon-downloads Scroll down to the sermon entitled, “The Yielding of Marriage.”) This marked 2 weeks in a row, Brian had preached on marriage, 1 week to wives & 1 week to husbands.

The point of the sermon centered around showing honor, understanding and respect to the woman as the physically weaker of the two in the relationship (Brian was clear in pointing out that “weaker” here referred to pound-for-pound physical strength. I bring that up as a point of clarification. This blog post is not meant to discuss the options for what “weaker vessel” means).

I had joked with a friend that, since I was single, I didn’t have to pay attention because this didn’t really apply to me. We both had a laugh; then came the conviction during the sermon. I Peter 3:7 really threw me around quite a bit. As a hope-to-be-one-day-husband & the writer of the small group questions that week I was forced to grapple with what it meant to honor, understand & show respect to women.

Granted, it may seem easier to think of ways to do this if you’re a married man and, as it should, so did most of the sermon application. But, it would behoove us as single men to grapple with this concept as well. You don’t just show up at a marriage altar, throw down some vows, put some rings on & automatically start treating women properly. This is something that needs to be cultivated.

One of the ways we can do this is by pushing back against the cultural atmosphere our ladies are forced to deal with on a daily basis in regards to their physicality. What do I mean? Simply take a stroll to your local grocery store & go through the checkout line. Right next to the candy are messages in various forms telling us what ladies should look like, act like, work like & be like. Billboards, banner ads & seemingly mundane commercials reinforce the idea that worth, identity & status are all based upon what a woman looks like.

This is unfortunate, &, if left unchecked, can be both dangerous and deadly. So how do we honor, respect & understand ladies in this regard, especially if you’re single?

1) Realize that we are created in the image of God. Single fellas, ladies are not to be treated as TV shows would portray. They are not items for consumption, but rather people created in the image of God. They are someone’s daughter, sister, future mom & future wife. They are to be treated like you would want your sister to be treated. Paul tells I Timothy to encourage older women as mothers & younger women as sisters. This is profoundly counter-cultural.

2) Be Honest. Let’s face it. This thing we call “dating” is pretty jacked up when you think about it. That being said, fellas, it’s part of living in today’s world. Consequently, it’s up to us to lead, initiate and take the risks in the relationship in an atmosphere of gentleness. That means 2 things:

a) We’ve got to take the time to figure out the ladies emotionally, spiritually and every other way that makes them tick. It’s easy to say, “Yeah, she’s cute. I’ll ask her out.” But if that’s all we treasure then we’ve mimicked the world’s values & we’ve dishonored our sisters. That’s not good.

b) Ladies are image-bearers with real emotions and real feelings. They are not cars to be test-driven. If you’re looking for entertainment, go see a movie or watch a ball game. If you want to spend time 1-on-1 with a young lady on a regular basis, then you’d better be willing to commit to that relationship. If you’re not ready for that, don’t ask them to spend time alone with you. It’s not right in regards to them and not right in regards to you, either. Either man up or admit you’re not ready for that. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about guys who’ll keep asking the same girl out & then when it’s time for the DTR (that she brought up) the fella is more inconsistent than an NBA ref. If you’re afraid of the risk, then stop dating or find another planet on which to ride. That’s part of life & part of being a created man.

3) Saturate yourself in the Gospel & get other people to speak it into your life as well. Why do we treat women with honor, respect and understanding? Because Christ came to us when we were dishonorable and deserved no respect. We take up this risky and difficult business because Jesus has taken the most difficult task and been the Second Adam for us. Jesus perfectly fulfilled this command in regards to women. He, the Image of God, treated them with honor, respect and understanding and took the pressure of physicality and image off them. He suffered and endured the most difficult thing imaginable when He took upon Himself the complete wrath of God. We who are in Christ are freed to treat our sisters as they should be treated because Jesus has taken the Ultimate Risk for us, namely, living a perfect life and dying the worst death imaginable. His resurrection proves His standing with the Father and His Spirit transforms our hearts so that this duty becomes our delight.