Wednesday, April 17, 2013

A Common Fear For Those Resistant to Adoption

Jason Helopoulos:
Though they are Christian, love children, and see the great need for adoption, the nagging hesitation that may hold some couples back is a concern I wrestled with before adopting. It wasn’t so much the money, or the time, or even the emotional ups and downs of the adoption process. It was something much deeper. A question that I often felt guilty for even considering. I asked myself on more than one occasion, “Will I love these children as ‘my own?’" (my emphasis)

Our daughter has been with us for seven years. My son has been part of our family for four years. And I can honestly say, that there has not been a single day that I have thought anything other than, “These are my children.” I almost never think about them being adopted. Someone once asked me if we had told our children that they weren’t our biological children. I chuckled and said, “Of course, but they don’t need to be told. It is pretty evident. They are Chinese and we are Caucasian.” My daughter has the innocent habit of running up to Asian individuals and putting her arm next to theirs and saying, “Look, we have the same skin!” There is no hiding the fact from her!

There are plenty of times in our home life when we talk about them being adopted. They love to hear their adoption stories, we celebrate their adoption days (think of it as another birthday–we always go to a good Chinese restaurant), and we often look through the photo album of our journey to the orphanage, where they spent the early months of their lives. But other than those moments or when a stranger walks up to us at the grocery store to ask where they are adopted from (and yes, this happens often), I never think about them being adopted. I am always caught a little off-guard when someone makes a comment or asks a question about their adoption. I am not offended, just surprised by the question because I seldom think about it.

In no way am I opposed to thinking more about them being adopted. I am happy to think about it and love talking about it with them. The fact is, I don’t think about it much. Because this is just my daughter and this is just my son. The fear that I had before adoption, that a child void of my DNA or blood would somehow not feel like my child, has been so far from realized that it almost seems silly. However, I say almost, because I am sensitive to the fact that this is not true for every single person who has ever adopted. And so the question needs to truly be weighed and prayed through.

If you are thinking of adoption and this thought occupies your minds, it isn’t a wrong question. It isn’t a sinful question. And it is surely not a question that you should feel guilty for asking. But I can say on this side of adoption, if your experience is anything like mine, this question will never pass through your thoughts again.
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