A Creative Way Of Dealing With Your Road Rage

Shaun Groves:

She cut me off. She made a left right in front of me. I was leaving Lowe’s - the home repair store - trying to get home in time for my niece’s birthday party. She was trying to get her Burger King fix faster.

I slammed on the brakes and skid and honked the horn. I may have said a singular bad word i hopes that the Holy Spirit can not only interpret “groanings” but also profanity to be a cry for immediate assistance, please. I was scared. I wasn’t angry. Yet.

Then she moved the phone from her hand to her neck, cocked her head to hold it in place, and flipped me off with her now free hand. I came to a stop in the road - and also a metaphorical fork. And I chose to follow her into the Burger King drive-thru line.

I pulled up beside her. She rolled up her windows without looking my way. So I screamed at her about how I have three kids and a wife who could have lost a father and husband because she was really hungry for a Whopper and couldn’t wait two seconds for me to pass by before turning. I told her she wasn’t important enough to endlessly be on her cell phone. I informed her that I’m not sixteen, I’m an adult like she’s dressed up to be, and adults talk about their problems...with words not hand signals.

I told her all that. In my head. As I was rolling down my window. But when she turned toward me and waved me away as if I were nothing more than a circling fly I had a better idea. I smiled.

“Heeeey,” I said, “I thought I recognized you!”

She took her sun glasses off to get a better look at me.

“We go to the same church don’t we?” I asked.

I wish you could have seen the blood drain from her face as she rolled down her window and forced a smile.

Of course, I was telling a lie - predicated on a safe bet here in a town where almost everyone goes to church at some point in the year. And, sure, I guess that no more moral of me than if I’d shouted all those nasty things at her. But it was more fun.

Of course... we don't condone lying here at Vitamin Z, but you've got to give him credit for comedic creativity!

(HT: Jared Wilson)