Saturday, March 26, 2011

5 Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Church



Thomas Weaver:
1. Make sure your faith is only something you live out in public

Go to church... at least most of the time. Make sure you agree with what you hear the preacher say, and affirm on the way home what was said especially when it has to do with your kids obeying, but let it stop there. Don’t read your bible at home. The pastor will say everything you need to hear on Sundays. Don’t engage your children in questions they have concerning Jesus and God. Live like you want to live during the week so that your kids can see that duplicity is ok.

2. Pray only in front of people

The only times you need to pray are when your family is over, Holiday meals, when someone is sick, and when you want something. Besides that, don’t bother. Your kids will see you pray when other people are watching, no need to do it with them in private.

3. Focus on your morals

Make sure you insist your kids be honest with you. Let them know it is the right thing for them to do, but then feel free to lie in your own life and disregard the need to tell them and others the truth. Get very angry with your children when they say words that are “naughty” and “bad”, but post, read, watch, and say whatever you want on TV, Facebook, and Twitter. Make sure you focus on being a good person. Be ambiguous about what this means.

4. Give financially as long as it doesn’t impede your needs

Make a big deal out of giving at church. Stress the need to your children the value of tithing, while not giving sacrificially yourself. Allow them to see you spend a ton of money on what you want, while negating your command from scripture to give sacrificially.

5. Make church community a priority. As long as there is nothing else you want to do

Hey, you are a church going family, right? I mean, that’s what you tell your friends and family anyways. Make sure you attend on Sundays. As long as you didn’t stay up too late Saturday night. Or your family isn’t having a big bar-b-que. Or the big game isn’t on. Or this week you just don’t feel like it. Or... I mean, you are church going family so what’s the big deal?

4 comments:

Jessica Kramasz said...

Too funny - and yet very true.
I would add one more:
Gossip about the people at church in front of your kids (or anyone else).

Gary said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kara Chupp said...

This is one of our biggest fears...kids and church and keeping it real (because they know if it's not).
Thanks for this post.

Unknown said...

Very true, I only question the last one.... my church recently switched to a Saturday evening service. I (wrongly) pride myself on my "perfect attendance".... my family never misses church, but it is looked on as "legalistic" whereas it seems that only attending twice a month, whenever it is convenient and doesn't conflict with "real life" is healthier. I know it is a "heart issue"....and I will readily agree that what drives me to be so consistent is: 1. that's how I am. 2. I am legalistic and 3. I actually love church.

I guess my thought is it is really confusing going to a church where the majority do view church as something to do when it is convenient.