The Impact of Ultimate Aquittal

Tullian T:

The judgement of others is a surface echo of a judgment that goes deeper. So if we’re living in an environment or we are in a relationship that feeds this fear of judgment with constant judging, we deflate and detach because it becomes discouragingly exhausting trying to satisfy the demands and appease the judgment of the other. We become depleted of the hope that we can ever attain the affirmation that seems so necessary for us to live and breathe and so the relationship flounders.

The fact is, that relational demand always creates relational resistance. Control produces relational chaos, demand produces relational detachment, criticism produces relational commotion.

Most preachers and parents, spouses and siblings, fall prey to the false idea that real change happens when we lay down the law, exercise control, demand good performance, and offer constant constructive criticism. And then we wonder why our spouse, or our children, or our friends, or our colleagues, or our congregants become relationally and emotionally detached from us. We are feeding their deep fear of judgement by playing the judge.

When we feel this weight of judgment against us, we all tend to slip into the slavery of self-salvation: trying to appease the judge (friends, parents, spouse, ourselves) with hard work, good behavior, getting better, achievement, losing weight, and so on. We conclude, “If I can just stay out of trouble and get good grades, maybe my mom and dad will finally accept me.” “If I can work hard at the way I look, maybe my husband will finally pay attention to me.” “If I can become more attentive, maybe my wife will finally respect me.” “If I can change, maybe my boyfriend will finally love me.” But, as is always the case, self-salvation projects experientially eclipse the only salvation project that can set us free from this oppression. “If we were confident of ultimate acquittal”, says Zahl, “judgment from others would not possess the sting it does.”

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